A Heartbreaking Choice

Please share some thoughts about your baby and experiences. Send your poetry, articles, stories, pictures, etc. The one stipulation for publication on this page is that you send original material (you've written it or someone you know has written it - we can't publish a favorite poem by a famous writer). This is YOUR forum to share your babies. Items may be printed with your name, with a pseudonym, or with "baby's" mom (i.e. Sarah's Mom) or a "dad in California" ~ whichever you prefer, but be sure to indicate that in your e-mail. Send submissions to AHC and indicate for webpage in the subject line.

Links to Music and Lyrics:

Julie Geller

MY ANGEL

I believe I saw angels in the room the night I conceived,
I thought it meant God was watching over you,
But now I realize they were there to take you,
You are with them now.

I prayed at least twice everyday for you to be healthy,
And for 18 weeks I felt that joy,
But it was only false hope of things never to come,
Of my dreams that would never be.

It has been 10 days since the birth and death of my daughter,
My first child, my only child, but also my hope.
It does no good to try to find reasons for why it happened,
There are no answers that could satisfy me; there is nothing rational
or acceptable about her not being here.

I feel like a shell of emptiness, there's nothing left inside,
Except for a breaking heart, and an aching for life.
Am I a failure? I feel like one, like I will never get this right,
I will never be like the blissfully ignorant that have healthy babies.

But I will try again, because I know the joy I felt for four months,
And the brief moments of love and admiration I felt when I
held my daughter for the first and last time.
I will try again because I ache to have life inside of me.
Sarah was alive inside of me, next time I will pray for life outside of me as well.

I could swear I heard angels whispering the night she was born,
They were back again, coming to take her home.

Written October 13, 1997 by Sarah's Mom ~ Sarah was diagnosed with polycystic kidneys

A Mother's Day Gift . . .

On Mother's Day, my husband gave me a special card that included a note from Carly, my baby girl, who left us on March 27, 1997. She had a rare and severe chromosome abnormality (the upper arm of Chromosome #3 was deleted). I'd like to share this note with other parents who have also had to make a difficult decision about their unborn child.
Dear Mommy,
Thank you so much for carrying me around for 5 months. You took such good care of me - eating right, exercising, planning for a wonderful birth. I don't think I could have felt more loved.
Thank you for making what must have been a terrible decision for you. I would not have wanted a life if I could not be raised by you.

Don't worry about me- I'm in good company here with Grandma Cochran and Great Grandma Ruiz et al. I can still feel your love and that's what's important.

All my love to you and Dad and Koshi-dog. Please tell my little brother or sister about me when she or he comes.
Love always,
Carly

A Thought, a Wish, a Hope, a Prayer (for Robbie)

Our child came to us as a thought,
a thought that we had love to share
a thought that we would come to care
so very much for this first child.

Our child came to us with a wish,
a wish that he'd grow strong and proud,
a wish that we would be allowed
to grow with him, with this first child.

Our child came to us with a hope,
a hope that he would laugh and play
throughout his childhood, day by day,
while we watched over this first child.

Our child came to us with a prayer,
a prayer that he'd be safe and sound,
a prayer that love would soon abound
throughout our house for this first child.

Our first child left us with a thought,
a thought that life was not secure,
a thought that nothing is ever sure,
and then he was gone, and with him our thoughts.

Our first child left us with a wish,
a wish that time had been more kind,
a wish that we find peace of mind,
and then he was gone, and with him our wishes.

Our first child left us with a hope,
a hope that he was safe above,
a hope that he had known our love,
and then he was gone, and with him our hopes.

Our first child left us with a prayer,
a prayer that we remember him,
a prayer that we can start again,
and then he was gone, and with him our prayers.

Written by Patricia who wrote this a few weeks after she lost her son (stillborn after induced labor at 27 weeks) to trisomy 18.

My Two Sides

Why did this have to happen to us?
You may never know the answer to that.

Am I being punished?
How could you think of anything so precious as being a punishment?

I feel so empty.
Yes, but this was not always so. Remember how long you had her with you.

I don't know if I can bear this pain.
It is tremendous, but you chose to take your pain - and hers.

Would it have been better if I had not known you at all?
No. You are so blessed to have been touched by this life.

I wanted you so badly.
Oh, but she wanted you too. You were chosen from all the others.

I had so much love to give.
And you did. She knew nothing but your love.

I would have been a good mother to you.
You were. You made the decision only a good mother could.

I wanted to protect you from the world.
You did. She experienced only the comfort and safety of your womb.

I wanted to have you with me forever.
She will always be with you. To love, time does not exist.

I would give anything to hold you once more.
You will hold her in your heart forever.

Written by Sherri whose daughter, Madison Anne, was born and died on August 26, 1995 after an interrupted pregnancy at 20 weeks due to anencephaly and spina bifida

Our "Lanee" Rose

We wanted to keep you here,
But, it wasn't meant to be.
Instead GOD brought you to him,
For all of Heaven to see.
You are the girl we wished for,
But I guess GOD had wished too.
It's not for us to understand,
His "bigger" plan for you!
Although you're not here with us,
You are never far away.
We think about you constantly,
Each and every day.
GOD has taught us so much,
With your birth it's true.
You've given us direction,
We now know what to do.
We promise you to change our lives,
As GOD wants us to do.
As a tribute to you dear,
Because we love and miss you!!!

Lanee's Daddy
Larry Martin

A Mother’s Love

A mother’s love is something that starts right from conception
You form a bond with your baby full of love and deep affection
Before you even know it you’ve planned their entire future
It may be a little optimistic but it’s only mother nature
But then one day you’re told the news you never want to hear
‘Your baby’s not forming right’, it’s every mothers fear
So now your future life has be tragically torn apart
To be replaced by grief and a pain that fills your heart
You’ll often sit and wonder what it was that you did wrong
To be denied the life of the child you’d carried for so long
All those medical words race round your head again
But the out come of it was if he lived he’d suffer pain
And so you decided that you had to let him go
You did what was best for him because you really love him so
Even though he’s gone and you’re no longer a mother to be
Just remember it was your love that helped to set him free

More Poetry

Navigate Our Site

Copyright © 1996 - 2004
by A Heartbreaking Choice
All rights reserved.