Passing Her Back to God

Diagnosis: Turner Syndrome

By Mother to a Much Loved First Child

We were pregnant with our first child. After a year of trying, it seemed like a miracle. We were so happy, we couldn't really believe it!

The pregnancy ran smoothly, and the 12 week scan came very quickly. We were looking forward to it so much. You just never believe there is going to be anything wrong, especially at our ages;— I was only 23 and my husband 28,— but that day turned out to be one of the worst days of my life.

June 9th, 2006 we went in for our scan. The look on the nurse's face said it all. There was something wrong: they could see a large cystic hygroma. I asked what that meant and they said they are linked with syndromes. I was shattered. My husband held me all the way home.

The following week, we saw a specialist who agreed that the cystic hygroma was very large and the prognosis was probably not too good. She did add that they can sometimes be nothing and sort themselves out, but I knew she was saying this just to make us feel better. At 14 weeks, I had the CVS test. It took just four days for the results to come back. The lady on the phone said it was something called Turner's Syndrome. I broke down and looked it up on the Internet immediately. There I learned that it was something that only affected girls. One of the X chromosomes is missing.

There wasn't any doubt in our minds as to what we were to do. We loved our little girl too much to bring her into the world. What sort of life would she have had? We were told there was a 90 percent chance she would not have made it to birth. If she did, she would never have been able to even mother her own children. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, passing our baby girl back to God, where he will look after her and keep her safe until we see her again. On the June 29th, 2006 I delivered my little girl. We know she is safe and we know we will see her again one day. I just hope she can forgive us for what we did and understand that we did this all for her because we loved her so much.

Mothers tell their stories...

I told her how sorry I was and that I loved her and did not want her to suffer. I would rather suffer every day for the rest of my life than to allow her to suffer one moment in life.

~Mom of an Angel

Everything was going great. As already having two "normal" pregnancies under my belt, I felt confident. I knew there was always that chance of hearing bad news but I said "no, not me, not our baby."

We felt that if our daughter had been in a car accident and was on life support with the same internal injuries, we would not keep her on life support and let her suffer. This child deserved the same dignity."

~ A grieving mom

I initially thought I would "be brave" and continue my pregnancy. But I came to realize that ultimately it wasn't about how strong I could be, how deeply I wanted this baby or what important lessons he could teach me. It was about what he would experience in his short life. Given his diagnosis, he would have known only suffering. As his mother, I couldn't allow that to happen.

~ A mother at peace

It was our ignorance for believing that all pregnancies led to a healthy baby. It was my arrogance for believing that since I had the best medical care, took prenatal vitamins even before and during my pregnancy, never took drugs, never smoked cigarettes and drank about half a glass of wine a year, that our baby would be safe.

~A bereaved mother

A mother will stop at nothing, including her own hurt, both mentally and physically, to protect her child.

~Brokenhearted Mother