Arms of an Angel

Diagnosis: Pentalogy of Cantrell

By Kendal Mae's Mother

We found out I was pregnant September 25, 2010. I was 6 and a half weeks pregnant. We were so happy. We couldn't stop smiling.

A few weeks later we got to hear our daughters heart beat. It was 157 beats per minute. It brought tears to our eyes just knowing a few months down the road we would be holding our precious baby girl. The doctors scheduled a vaginal ultrasound a few weeks later. During that ultrasound was the happiest moment of our lives. Our baby was stretching and moving all around. The doctor told us we had a very active baby.

Then she noticed something. By the look on her face we knew it wasn't good. We were told our baby had a very rare and very serious disorder called Pentalogy of Cantrell. Her internal organs were growing outside of her body. We couldn't believe what we were being told. How could this be? I was taking care of myself, taking my prenatal vitamins and eating healthy. Did we do something wrong? Why us? Please tell me this is a nightmare.

The doctor told me I had 3 choices. The first was to wait and see if I had a miscarriage, deliver a still born or have an abortion. I do not believe in abortions so that was out of the picture. We went home and did some research. This really was a very serious disorder. Hardly any babies have survived this. If I delivered Kendal she would know nothing but pain and suffering.

I was told if I deliver her I would have 2 options. The first was when she was born they would wrap her up and take her to Children's hospital and do everything they could for her. My second option was to hold her and cherish every second we have with her until she passed. That isn't fair. Why do we have to make such difficult decision? Our baby meant the world to us.

January 4, 2011 I had to have an abortion. I was 21 weeks pregnant. I had The baby bump, my breasts were filled with milk and I had to go through this horrible ordeal. As I was laying on the cold table in that white room the only thing running through my mind was, "Dear God, please tell my baby I am sorry. I did this because we love her and we want what is best for her. No child deserves to suffer." Only a few months have passed and it is so hard to look at her pictures. We miss her so much. One day we will meet again. One day.

Mommy and Daddy love and miss you with all of our heart. Now you are in the arms of an angel.

Mothers tell their stories...

I told her how sorry I was and that I loved her and did not want her to suffer. I would rather suffer every day for the rest of my life than to allow her to suffer one moment in life.

~Mom of an Angel

Everything was going great. As already having two "normal" pregnancies under my belt, I felt confident. I knew there was always that chance of hearing bad news but I said "no, not me, not our baby."

We felt that if our daughter had been in a car accident and was on life support with the same internal injuries, we would not keep her on life support and let her suffer. This child deserved the same dignity."

~ A grieving mom

I initially thought I would "be brave" and continue my pregnancy. But I came to realize that ultimately it wasn't about how strong I could be, how deeply I wanted this baby or what important lessons he could teach me. It was about what he would experience in his short life. Given his diagnosis, he would have known only suffering. As his mother, I couldn't allow that to happen.

~ A mother at peace

It was our ignorance for believing that all pregnancies led to a healthy baby. It was my arrogance for believing that since I had the best medical care, took prenatal vitamins even before and during my pregnancy, never took drugs, never smoked cigarettes and drank about half a glass of wine a year, that our baby would be safe.

~A bereaved mother

A mother will stop at nothing, including her own hurt, both mentally and physically, to protect her child.

~Brokenhearted Mother