Calijah

A little baby,
So small and helpless,
Waiting for the time to take it's first breath.

We hear the heart beat,
Five fingers, five toes,
She's tossing and turning,
She's having fun.

But the monsters come at night,
With their cruel black eyes, long teeth and threatening hands,
Why are they creping?

Could she feel the love that I felt for her?
Did she know that he didn't care?
I know that it wasn't meant to be, but I'll never understand why.
No I'll never understand why.

Sparkling blue eyes,
A smile so sweet, that it makes you want to grab her and hold her in your arms
She only knows how,
To give love, so trusting and innocent,
Did she know?

That the monsters come at night,
With their cruel black eyes, long teeth and threatening hands,
Why are they creeping?

Could she feel the love that I felt for her?
Did she know that he didn't care?
I know that it wasn't meant to be, but I'll never understand why.
No I'll never understand why.

Written by Calijah's Mom

Kash

You were sent from heaven to teach us to grow
to show us how to love
Only angels can give this gift
as it's sent from heaven above

Our time seemed too short but your soul had a plan
to bring us love, hope and joy
Our hearts overflow with the love that we feel
for our precious baby boy

You taught me what it means to be a mother
you showed me what unconditional love is
I will cherish every heartbeat and movement
God shared you, but we knew you were His

I will feel you in the breeze and see you in sunsets
like warm sunshine on my face
We will always keep your spirit alive with us
in Kash's garden and special place

A soul sent from God with plans
that were already written in stone
To be with us and share in your love
until God called you to go back home

written by Kash's Mom with love
Kash became an angel at 18 weeks from anencephaly

Good-bye

How do I say good-bye
When I don't even know your name
I haven't had the chance to meet you
Or feel your breath against my cheek

I barely understand what has happened
I had only just begun to know
That you were there deep within me
Growing and moving beneath it all

I cannot say that I am sorry
Because I do not know why this has come to pass
But I know I have grown to love you
And I will miss you beyond belief

Now they tell me that this is almost over
But it will continue still in my heart
My soul is empty, for you I am yearning
My life and soul are now forever changed

I don't know how to say good-bye
When I don't even know your name
I never saw your tender eyes shine
Or heard you cry or felt your skin

I must leave you but know always
I will carry you in my heart
You were all of our dreams fufilling
Though you live only in our hearts.

Written on June 2, 2002 by Esabella's Mom

I wrote this poem trying to come to grips with the decision
we had made for our daughter upon her diagnosis with anencephaly.
I chose a name for my daughter just prior to her leaving me
so I was able to say good-bye to her by name.
Esabella left us on June 4, 2002
and we will be forever changed because of her presence.

To Alexander

To my dear, sweet, precious Alexander,

It is one week today that I gave birth to you and one week today that we lost you.
Your daddy and I had to make the most hearbreaking decision of our lives but we had to do it for you,
our son, so you wouldn't suffer. We were told you had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome.

If only you could have stayed in the safety of my womb for ever and ever.
I will deeply treasure my moments holding you, cuddling and kissing you.
I didn't want to let you go. When you died, a part of me died too.
From the moment we were told of your condition, I have not stopped asking 'Why?'. Your daddy said that one day we will know the answer but for now it is all a mystery.

All we know is that God wanted you with Him because you are so special
and now we have an angel looking after us and your sisters.
I cry and cry every day. My heart is breaking.
I wish so so much that you were here with us.
I'm longing to see and hold you so tightly again to have you with us.
Please help me through this.

Love forever, Mummy
XOXOXOXO


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