Xavier's Story

Diagnosis: Anencephaly

By Elizabeth

My husband and I have been together for about 4 years now. We weren't really planning on getting pregnant but we also weren't preventing it. When we found out we were so happy, we picked out a name for both sexes and started telling everyone. We were so naive in thinking that doing everything right would mean a happy healthy baby.

At 16 weeks our doctor called to say one of our tests came back positive and scheduled an ultrasound to be done at 18 weeks. The anticipation and fear in those 2 weeks was more then I could ever explain. Finally the day came. The ultrasound tech seemed happy, even told us it was a boy before leaving to get the doctor. We began to get happy again, figuring she wouldn't have said it was a boy if something was wrong.

The doctor came in also in a good mood and asked if we knew what was going on and went on then tell us the bad news. Our baby boy that we had already come to love so much had anencephaly. I didn't even know what to say, my heart was breaking with every word. I broke down and started to cry.

We had till 22 weeks to decide either induction or D&E. We decided to do induction rather then wait in agony another week to do the D&E.

Our son, Xavier Ceniceros, was born on March 25th, 2010 (5 days after my husband's 20th birthday) at 3:04 pm only weighing 235 grams. We chose to hold him and have him baptized. They gave us his cap, gown, and blankets he was wrapped in. He will forever be our 1st son and never ever be forgotten.

"I will never forget you, see upon the palm of my hand I have written your name" -- Isaiah 49:15

Mothers tell their stories...

I told her how sorry I was and that I loved her and did not want her to suffer. I would rather suffer every day for the rest of my life than to allow her to suffer one moment in life.

~Mom of an Angel

Everything was going great. As already having two "normal" pregnancies under my belt, I felt confident. I knew there was always that chance of hearing bad news but I said "no, not me, not our baby."

We felt that if our daughter had been in a car accident and was on life support with the same internal injuries, we would not keep her on life support and let her suffer. This child deserved the same dignity."

~ A grieving mom

I initially thought I would "be brave" and continue my pregnancy. But I came to realize that ultimately it wasn't about how strong I could be, how deeply I wanted this baby or what important lessons he could teach me. It was about what he would experience in his short life. Given his diagnosis, he would have known only suffering. As his mother, I couldn't allow that to happen.

~ A mother at peace

It was our ignorance for believing that all pregnancies led to a healthy baby. It was my arrogance for believing that since I had the best medical care, took prenatal vitamins even before and during my pregnancy, never took drugs, never smoked cigarettes and drank about half a glass of wine a year, that our baby would be safe.

~A bereaved mother

A mother will stop at nothing, including her own hurt, both mentally and physically, to protect her child.

~Brokenhearted Mother