The Right Thing

By Nyree

Hello Everyone,

I don't know if there's anyone here who remembers me. My name is Nyree. I'm Zabelle's mom (Turner Syndrome, AHC 10/15/99). I haven't visited here in a while, but I always think of my angel girl and this wonderful support group and how helpful it was to me during my grief.

Just a quick update on me: I went on to be a part of the Subsequent Pregnancy Discussion (SPD) listserv and after a miscarriage had a healthy baby boy... or at least I thought he was healthy. We discovered he had autism when he was two. He's now five. Life has been very, very stressful (to say the least) for the past several years.

I just want you to know that as much as I absolutely love my son and would do anything for him, if the amnio could have shown autism — as it did for Turner's Syndrome —I would have terminated my pregnancy with my son. Some days I wish I were as "lucky" as some of my friends on SPD who couldn't conceive. Isn't it funny how we don't think things could be any worse than what we are going through? Thinking that not being able to hold our baby in our arms is the worst thing in the world?

I sometimes wonder if I was meant to have a life with a child with a disability. But I don't really believe that. I absolutely love my son as I love my angel daughter... and know that they both have taught me the same lesson: unconditional love.

I'm finally accepting the life I have to live — I'll do whatever I need to do to care for my son for the rest of my life. But I just wanted to share with you (especially newly bereaved moms) that you did the right thing... your child knows your absolute unconditional love for him or her. I don't know why I'm sending you this note this late tonight out of the blue, but perhaps there's someone who needs to hear it right now.

Hugs and love,


If one in 166 kids were being kidnapped, we'd have a national emergency.
We do... it's called Autism.


Mothers tell their stories...

I told her how sorry I was and that I loved her and did not want her to suffer. I would rather suffer every day for the rest of my life than to allow her to suffer one moment in life.

~Mom of an Angel

Everything was going great. As already having two "normal" pregnancies under my belt, I felt confident. I knew there was always that chance of hearing bad news but I said "no, not me, not our baby."

We felt that if our daughter had been in a car accident and was on life support with the same internal injuries, we would not keep her on life support and let her suffer. This child deserved the same dignity."

~ A grieving mom

I initially thought I would "be brave" and continue my pregnancy. But I came to realize that ultimately it wasn't about how strong I could be, how deeply I wanted this baby or what important lessons he could teach me. It was about what he would experience in his short life. Given his diagnosis, he would have known only suffering. As his mother, I couldn't allow that to happen.

~ A mother at peace

It was our ignorance for believing that all pregnancies led to a healthy baby. It was my arrogance for believing that since I had the best medical care, took prenatal vitamins even before and during my pregnancy, never took drugs, never smoked cigarettes and drank about half a glass of wine a year, that our baby would be safe.

~A bereaved mother

A mother will stop at nothing, including her own hurt, both mentally and physically, to protect her child.

~Brokenhearted Mother